Intimacy, Engagement and Mindful Sex with Kate Moyle, Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist

In this episode of Intimacy Play, Mikaela is joined by Kate Moyle, Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist and Host of the Sexual Wellness Sessions Podcast, to discuss the differences between sex and intimacy, mindful sex, and how couples can be more intimate.

Learn more about Kate:

How sex and intimacy are related… they aren’t the same

Sex and intimacy are not synonymous. In society, people assume that they are. Sex can be a form of intimacy, but there are other important factors to consider if you wish to build intimacy in a relationship.. 

How can a couple be more intimate… not simply with sex

You can be more intimate by increasing desire and moving to a deeper level of understanding of each other. It’s about moments of connection and affection in a less-physical way: making eye contact, listening to your partner, small touches on the hand, kissing, hugging. 

The role of intimacy in a relationship

Intimacy is a core pillar of a relationship. It’s all about connection. 

In modern society, with the use of technology, we get more detached from each other. But we are humans, and we need a connection with other people to be happy, especially from our partner.

Mindful sex: what is it, how does it help and how a couple can get started?

Mindful sex is not talking about the act of sex. It is about how we engage with sex as an act: being in the moment, taking the experience moment by moment, “doing it” compassionately. 

Mindful sex can help people recover from sexual problems. It also lets partners understand better and connect on a deeper level.

To start mindful sex, you have to understand what you are talking about and what it means. When we talk about sex, there is a lot of self-judgment. So it’s about sitting in the moment and enjoying sensations, and running through your senses.

To do that, you can use sensual blocks, like being blindfolded, which helps to remove distractions from external factors and be in the present moment. 

How can couples engage with each other? 

It is hard to switch off to turn-on. In 2020, more activities are happening in the same space: working, relaxing, doing house-hold activities, etc.

You have to permit yourself to shut the door, put the phones away, turn everything off, and give each other your undivided attention.

How can you switch off distractions and switch on your partner?

Set up a routine of little things. You can kiss, have a hug, or listen to each other for 5 minutes a day. Have a one-minute hug in the morning when you wake up and another minute when you go to bed.

Create tech-free time to avoid any distractions.

Is there any technology or instruments that can help with mindful sex… like sex toys?

Sex toys are a great idea, especially for a long-distance relationship. You can use them to experience different routines, pleasures, and sensations.

How to introduce a sex toy to a relationship without affecting or stressing your partner?

Take it slow, talk about it first, choose the sex toys together, explore what you want to try, and remember focus on the positive aspects of the experience.

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